"AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!", an Ant Story

"Once upon a time there was an ant colony. They were industrious, ambitious little bastards, and they made a bed the entire length of a woman's house, and concealed it in leaves. 

 

One day, the woman, tired of seeing the garden hose coiled on the ground, hung a pretty metal hose hanger on the side of the house, and yanked up the hose from under the leaves and dirt.  Little did she know, the ants had made the hose their own: not only was it half-buried in their vast bed, they had extended their colony inside the hose itself, from end to end. When the woman picked up the hose, she showered herself with millions of ants - they were in her shoes, her clothes, even in her hair!  

 

The woman screamed and screamed! She threw the hose away from herself violently, and brushed off all of the ants, thankful that they were NOT the kind that bite. The ants panicked and ran all over her body and face, and all around the hose, inside and out. They must repair the hose colony! 

 

But, unfortunately for the ants, the woman hooked the hose up to the faucet, turned on the water, and blasted those little fuckers to kingdom come. Then she spread poison all over the bed, and went inside the house and showered and showered and showered.

The end".

 

So that was my weekend, how about you guys?  *shudder*  

That was what I posted on Facebook about it yesterday afternoon, just after it happened.  It's 100% true.  I knew there was an ant bed out there somewhere, because they'd been coming into the house by the thousands.  

Yes, thousands: 

(I feel I should point out that I'm not respon-
sible for this wall color, and it's changing soon)

 

This is just ONE short wall in my master bathroom, after not having vacuumed for a couple of days.  Yes, just a couple of days.  There are more on the other side of the bathroom, in the closet, in the master bedroom, and in my roommate's bedroom, which shares the same exterior wall as these other spaces. They're coming in and dying - I see maybe three or four lives ones per week.  This started about three weeks ago. 

I thought maybe it was the weather - it's been wet, so they're not coming in for water.  But it hasn't been wet enough for them to be coming in to get away from the water. It was super cold for about a week, but it's warmed up since, and they're still coming in. I really have no idea what's going on. 

 

What's killing them? Why are they coming indoors to die? WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?  

Turns out the answer to that last question was outside where that hose was lying on the ground.  Ugh. As for the other questions, I have NO idea.  

 

Rest assured, that whole area outside has been thoroughly poisoned, and the entire foundation of the house, all the way around, has been dusted with diatomaceous earth to try to keep them from coming in.  I'm not usually big on the "nuke it from orbit" pest control philosophy, but...desperate times, you know? 

 

 

*

So, yes, anyway, I did hang a couple of pretty metal hose hangers.  I also put up some house numbers on the post on the front porch: 

For most of the long holiday weekend, I worked indoors, painting rooms and building shelves.  This coming weekend is another long one for me.  Provided the weather holds (and it's supposed to), this will be the first major gardening weekend I've had since I moved in.  I'm hoping that next week I'll have some pretty cool stuff to show you.  

P.S.:  thankfully, miraculously, none of the ants in question were fire ants, and I didn't get a single bite! 

P.P.S.:  a LOT of ants were harmed in the making of this post